Talking to women is a little bit different from talking to your buddies. To get good at it, you’ll have to work on your skills by practicing, just as you did when you learned to ride your bike.
With girls, there are times when you just click, and communication is flawless between the two of you. You don’t have to think about what to say next, and you’re caught up in a nice conversation. On the other hand, there are times when you encounter awful silences and don’t know what to say. When this happens, it’s not bad to have some prepared topics in your arsenal to spice up the conversation a little.
What’s the purpose of communication between the two of you after all? The main purpose is to get to know each other better. To get a rough impression of each other’s personality and view of the world. To see if you click and get on well. Apart from this, women will always ask themselves about their feelings or the way they feel about you after talking to you. Thus, for you, communication will also be a tool to evoke certain emotions in her.
Let’s talk about these. Before anything can happen, she has to like you. If you are a Man, she will see it in the first few seconds and be attracted to you. When that happens, she will be interested in talking to you or going on a date. After the initial attraction, there are certain phases that each male-female interaction goes through. You can speed up the process, but you can’t skip any phases. Here is a way to categorize it, which I call the phases of initial conversation (you could categorize it in many other ways, of course):
1. The first step is to loosen up a little in each other’s company. You can talk about totally superficial topics; it doesn’t really matter. People need time to let themselves relax a little bit, to get accustomed to the environment and the other person, especially on a date.
2. When you’re loosened up, the next step is to achieve rapport with each other. Finding commonalities, common interests and a point where the two of you can connect is necessary.
3. When you have found common interests, you can work on establishing comfort and trust. A woman needs to know that she can trust you before giving her body to you. She needs to know that you won’t harm her physically or leave her after having sex. For ages, women who lost their virginity before marriage were labeled sluts and driven to the edges of society. Today, it’s a lot better, but girls still have to consider how their friends will react. Society still puts a lot of pressure on them. That’s why this phase is so important.
4. And the fourth step is her arousal. The first three phases will somewhat guarantee that during the process of arousal, social conditioning won’t kick in. Before you kiss her or have sex with her, you need to go through these steps in order.
Each point given above is in a cause-and-effect relationship with the next one. In order to have sex with her, you need to arouse her. You can easily arouse her, but to prevent social conditioning from kicking in, she will need to trust you. But trust comes only after rapport, and rapport comes after loosening up. See? It’s like building a house. If you skip the foundation or just one step, your house will soon collapse. Going through all four phases is necessary.
Before I give you some examples regarding the list above, let me tell you what to avoid talking about. I generally don’t talk about religion, politics or work/school when getting to know a woman for the first time. Religion and politics are taboo, and some people have such strong views that it might fuck up an otherwise good date. Save that for the relationship; you’ll have time to debate your views later. Even if you’re sure that your views match, it’s not a good idea to talk about such serious topics on the first date. The topics of work and school are simply boring. Your first date together shouldn’t seem like a job interview. A typical example:
1. Where do you work?
2. Oh, and what was your previous job?
3. Which school do/did you go to?
4. Where do you live?
5. Do you have any sisters?
6. How old is your little brother?
7. You have a dog?
Sound familiar? AVOID using these and similar questions as the center of your conversation with the girl. When she comes home from work and goes on a date, she might want to let her hair down a little. You don’t want to bore each other with such topics. Many guys have already asked her these questions anyway, and you should try to be different from the rest.
Now that you know what you shouldn’t talk about, let’s examine each step of the phases of initial conversation in more detail:
1. To loosen up, there’s no need to ask serious questions. A little chitchat will do the job. Examples: (Note: These are only examples. It isn’t necessary to follow this list from point to point in your conversations; they’re just to give you ideas if you don’t know what to talk about.)
1. News and gossip involving celebrities, drama, trends, fashion. Talking about the latest breakup of Britney Spears, the fashion style of stars, etc. Ask her what she thinks about the world of celebrities, whether she is attracted or repulsed by it.
2. Her favorite films and why she likes them. Has she seen your favorite film or not? Is she into the kinds of films you like or not?
3. Her favorite actor, actress/pop star/film star. Has she ever fantasized about becoming a celebrity? Does that shining, glamorous world attract her? Would she date a famous person, or would she rather be with a better, but lesser-known guy.
4. Music. What music does she like? Has her musical taste changed since her teenage years? Does she prefer classical music or rock/electronic genres? Does she go to concerts? How far would she go to see her favorite band? Does she like clubs and, if so, what type?
5. Her hobbies: Does she like reading or going to the theater or exhibitions. Does she prefer playing sports or another activity? Does she dance? If so, what types of dancing does she do? Has she participated in competitive sports? What sports does she like?
6. Animals: What is her favorite animal? Does she prefer dogs or cats? What does she think of vegetarianism and animal rights? Has she ever tried horseback riding or seen a real dolphin?
7. Ask her where she would go if she could visit any place in the world.
8. What is the strangest thing that she has ever done or the strangest thing that has happened to her?
You can also tell some entertaining stories from your life. The direction of the conversation will depend on the type of woman you are dealing with. Popping up different topics will show you her general interests and give you a picture of the kind of person she is.
2. When you’re into talking, you can go into deeper topics and ask her about herself and her personality:
1. Relatives and friends. Is she an only child, or does she have sisters or brothers? If she could choose, would she choose differently? Did she have a lot of friends in high school? How many friends does she have these days? Is friendship important to her, and is she good at keeping in touch with friends and relatives?
2. Goals and aspirations. What did she want to be when she was a little girl? Has she achieved what she wanted, does she still want to, or has she changed her goals? What are her current short-term goals; what does she think she’ll be doing in five to 20 years, and what does she want to do? Ask if she is satisfied with her job/school or if she wants more.
3. Passion and satisfaction. Does she have an activity or hobby that she pursues with great passion and enjoyment? Is there a special place where she relaxes or where she enjoys being? What does she do to loosen up and free herself from stress and worries? What’s the most challenging and satisfying thing in her job/area in which she studies?
4. Traveling and vacations. Talk about places and countries where you and she have been; share your memories of what you both enjoyed the most. If you’ve been to the same place, compare notes. Ask her about the best vacation of her life and why she liked it so much. What’s the first memory that pops into her mind from that vacation? Is there a country, city or culture that fascinates her? Has she ever considered moving to another city, country or part of the world? If she had to live in another part of the world, where would it be and why?
5. Male-female relationships. Who lies and cheats more: women or men? Does she think men understand what women really want? Are males and females switching roles in today’s society? Tell her your view on this topic, and tell her what being a Man means to you.
6. Ask her about herself: How does she know when a man is interested in her? What’s the thing that men usually find the most attractive about her? Is she satisfied with herself, both her personality and looks, or is there something she would change?
3. Going even deeper and sharing memories that evoke feelings of comfort and safety can establish a certain amount of trust:
1. Her youth and childhood. What was her favorite toy? Did she play with dolls, or was she the girl who played with the boys? Was she a good or a bad kid? Did she have good grades? When did she have her first drink, and was there anything outrageous that she did at school?
2. Ask her about her best memory from when she was a little girl, maybe a place where she really liked to be, something that gave her comfort and shelter, where she felt safe far from the noise of the world. Let her describe what it was like and how she felt in those moments. Ask her if there is something now that makes her feel the same way.
3. Talk about her friends. How would her friends describe her behind her back? Has she ever been very disappointed because of a friend betraying her? Does she believe in true friendship, and are there many people whom she would consider to be “real” friends?
4. If she could go back in time and change something in her life, what would she do differently? If she could change only one thing, what it would be?
5. Talk about love and whether she has ever been in love; if so, how many times? What’s the most surprising thing that she did or would do for love? Does she believe in love at first sight, and does she think that true love exists? Is she lonely sometimes? Wouldn’t she love to have somebody to hug at these times?